PandeMOMic

You’re sitting there staring at two little lines crisscrossing, and you’re thinking someone please pinch me because I just had an out-of-body experience. That’s not me looking down at those pink little positive lines. No way! Yes way. It was me. October 9th, 2019. I distinctly remember it was a Wednesday. I was at home alone (well with my two pups), and I immediately called my mom out of pure panic and shock. This wasn’t planned, this wasn’t MY plan, I wasn’t ready! God laughed of course, because it was true- I was pregnant.

I had been dating Nate at the time for a bliss 9 months. I didn’t get to tell him in some cute romantic way like I always dreamed I’d do someday for my husband. I wish I had this adorable story to tell one day about how we got married, decided to have children, and everything fell into place. Well this is real life and I’m not ashamed with how it ended up. Did it go how I planned? Absolutely not. Would I trade it for the world? Hell no.

Fast-forward to March of 2020. I’m 6 months pregnant and I’m in my classroom teaching 2nd grade. At the time, we were doing a program where the students learn about economics and a guest volunteer from the corporate world gets to come in and teach! Lucky me we got to arrange for that guest volunteer to be my boyfriend. It’s the end of the day on Thursday, March 12th, 2020. Messages are popping up on cell phones, the hallway is all a buzz as the news came flooding in about how quickly the corona virus was spreading. There’s talk of school being out starting Monday. Then, all of a sudden the principal comes on over the loud speaker explaining that “school is canceled, effective starting tomorrow.” Students were crying, panicking, everything felt as if it were in slow motion and we were on a sinking ship. I remember needing to step out of the classroom because my thoughts started to run wild and my body decided to have a panic attack. I remember the feeling so distinctly. I’m not even so sure exactly WHAT I was so worried about because I didn’t know hardly any details... all I know is that all of a sudden it felt like we were actually in a horror film... and we could all feel it was only about to get worse.

Figuring out how to teach online with a days notice while going into my third trimester is a whole other post I won’t get into right now.

Once again, all of these events in my life that I had dreamed of, planned out, and put together, were laughed at. Getting the call that no one felt safe to show up to my baby shower, no one could come visit us at the hospital, and no one could come help us once he was born.

Now listen, I’m almost always the type of person who looks chaos right in the face and tells it to eff off. Solutions usually start swirling around in my head and I turn into Miss Problem Solver. “We’ve got this guys! Let’s try this! Or let’s think of this way! I will help you.”

Not. This. Time.

I felt angry, helpless, upset, discontent, out of control... But I had to bottle up my feelings and be understanding— I had to be understanding that this is no ones fault. I had to be understanding that there’s nothing we could do. But in reality, at the time, I wanted everyone ELSE to be understanding that it’s not fair! That I had a million hormones raging through my body screaming and yelling and throwing a 2-year-old temper tantrum! But, I understood...Covid SUCKS.

I cannot compare my story to what it would have been like having a baby B.C. (before covid). I’d never had a baby before. Despite the few things that didn’t get to happen, I don’t know any different than being a brand new mom raising a child for the first time other than during an international pandemic. Isn’t in normal to just stay inside all day everyday with a newborn? Isn’t it normal to never go to work, and breathe, eat, and (not) sleep all things baby?

I’d of course never trade Kohen for the world. We have all gone through this in our on way, with our own understanding, all doing the best we can. The pandemic of the coronavirus has brought many negatives, but it has also brought so so many positives. Learning how to be a new little family, working from home and getting to watch my little boy grow while creating an irreplaceable bond. Sure, I could focus on the negatives, but I simply choose not to!